button smashing.

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...like a five year old with a bad temper.

before i continue, school is awesome and everything but seriously. come on, i need a break. i amuse myself by drawing all over my notebook in class. i'm not even sure how i manage to take notes. (i'm lying, i'm an amazing note-taker.) and since i have monday off, i was like, wow, deserter. someone needs to update her blog. who has two thumbs and no free time? this girl.

okay. now for the rest of the button smashing.

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had to be done.

so, my birthday and my best friend's birthday are one after the other. so we decided to make it one birthday. because how awesome is having two straight days as your birthday? in theory, it would probably suck for whoever had to give birth for two days in a row, and i'm not entirely sure anyone could survive that, but still. it's gonna be legendary. (yeah, i'm in love with how i met your mother. almost up to the third season. yay.) we're not actually doing anything, and something will probably go horribly wrong, as life tends to do, but it's the thought that counts.

gawd. there's this really cool new transfer student. AND I WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT HER LAST MONTH WHEN I FIRST MET HER. she's so skinny. i just wish she'd stop talking about food so much. because i want to hang out with her, but i don't want to eat with her. it's one thing to eat by yourself and think you're pathetic. it's another thing to eat with a skinny person who eats more than you. (terribly heart-wrenching.) someone asked her a question once like, "what size are you? because you're the first girl here who's skinnier than me." and i thought to myself, DON'T ASK PEOPLE THAT. i don't know. whatever, she didn't mind. hopefully. she's so cool. she asked me once what kind of animal she would be, so i said a bird (obviously) but she didn't like that. so i said a butterfly (again, obviously), but she wasn't cool with that either. so i said a spider, but that didn't work. maybe she's more of a chipmunk. i dunno.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT DAMN WOMAN STILL HASN'T GIVEN ME THE TREADMILL? WHAT THE FUCK

sorry about that. oh man. my vocal teacher told me in no uncertain terms that i need to get some psych testing, because i'm freaking insane. okay, so he didn't say it like that but that's what he meant. i think he said something more like, "do you have ADHD or something? because it's either that or you're horribly immature." to be honest, i have been a little high energy lately, but i can't control these things, you know? he said maybe if i was on medication, i'd be a bit more tolerable. not like that, but you know. that's what he meant.

my brain is pretty full right now. i hope i can get all of this out. remember that really cool girl i told you about who's a drummer and she's skinny and she's really cool and she gives me hugs and stuff? she's so awesome. my eyes were all sparkly and BGHEKDFMKL i'm totally making her a scarf for her birthday. she said i looked nice on valentine's day. once again.

mind.

blown.

gotta love her. but she's like smoke. so elusive. you only see her when she wants to be seen. but whatever. i looked nice on valentine's day. compliments from some people mean more than from others. at least that's how it is for me.

the bad news is, i'm nowhere near eighty five pounds. (isn't it depressing how you can be so busy and still find time to eat? all that time wasted. i could have been updating here instead of eating.) the good news is, i've got a fridge full of baby food. have you TRIED baby food? it's amazing. it's packed full of vitamins and it's delicious. what's that? you want strawberries and a banana but you can't afford both? oh look! in the baby food aisle. strawberries and bananas. in a ninety calorie jar. and it's like, seventy five cents a meal. (RIGHT?!) who invented this? i think i'm in love.

yeah, so you get some weird looks when people see you eating baby food in school. but who cares? like i told my friends, applesauce in a baby food jar is still applesauce. geez. food is food is food is food.

i saw the meanest thing today. it was kind of depressing. so i was sitting in a music room and this skinny girl came in to take pictures of some stuff going on. and there were these little egg shakers, and she picked them up and started dancing along. and i was all like, haha, we're all having a great time. and there was this (forgive me).... not particularly skinny girl sitting by the door. and when the skinny girl was ready to leave, the... not particularly skinny girl reached up from her seat to take the shakers. and the skinny girl dropped them. on the floor. without even glancing. it was the worst thing i've seen all year. and then the other girl picked them up and smiled at me sadly and i was all like bdfjs;fa goddamn. it was so messed up. i dunno. maybe you just had to be there.

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okay, i have to be up early tomorrow. (like that matters. what am i even saying? i have insomnia. i'm not going to bed for another two hours at least.) OH. banana. remember her? she made a copy of this paper from this book about like your birthday and zodiac stuff and whatnot. it was pretty wild. she's like, overly fascinated with the zodiac now. (obsessed is such a strong word, don't you think?) but it was pretty accurate. in a disturbing, freaky kind of way.

so yeah. apparently when you start actually doing homework and studying, you don't have time to do much else. i tried hanging out with a friend last night and i woke up late this morning. bad stuff. anyway, there you go.

this has been me lately. chewing gum. drinking water. eating candy. avoiding adult food and eating baby food. wondering how bad a professional would find me if i did get my mind tested. and somehow managing to make a fool out of myself without even trying.

i love my life. so much.

no sarcasm there. i really do. how many people have the ability to fuck up like i do? it's a rare skill.

honestly.