abracadabra.

it's been a while.

to put it mildly.

a lot of things were going on, i suppose. fighting with my mom hasn't been physical, but i'm not sure if that's because i keep myself locked up in my room or because i keep her locked out of it. either way, it doesn't matter. despite the fact that i haven't broken her nose, we're really not getting along. in the worst way. so i'm leaving next year. started saving up for that, planned (for once) and everything.

who's still got two thumbs and no self esteem? this girl, right here.

actually, not too long after i vanished (from here), i was reading all these interviews with jeff buckley, (because yes, i am maybe still obsessed with him a little bit) and i was like, "oh. hm. sounds like a bipolar. i wonderrr...." and then there was this whole weird period where i was just listening to his music and playing along on my guitar while i waited for his biography to come in the mail, and then i read it and i was like, OMG. because he was bipolar. which, you know, is like... jinkies. jeff. and so i just had to call odette, since she's bipolar and she swears i am too. naturally, she didn't care. but that didn't stop me from talking about him. ya know, until she was all like, "hey, you should come over sometime so we can.... CALL A PSYCHIATRIST AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR YOU."

yeah, really? no thanks.

although, with the way i've been lately, that's probably the best plan i've heard all summer. still, probably not gonna happen. especially since that conversation happened three weeks ago, and i said i'd call the next day. i lied. so sue me.

that was probably the only good thing that happened. finding out jeff buckley was bipolar. which isn't a good thing.

i don't know.

i've been spending so much time keeping myself away from people that i actually talk to myself while i'm walking my dog. and by myself, i mean what you'd consider imaginary friends. but since i'm the only one that knows they're there... and i spend so much time locked in my room that my sheets are amazingly filthy. they're white, so i can see the amount of dirt in 'em. i just hope there's something stronger than bleach.

soooooooo. yeah.s

i'm alright. (though i'm using that word very loosely.)

i hope you've all been doing alright.

i missed it here.

honestly.