to my fraternal twin,
we're practically family now. isn't that weird? i know more about what's going on in your life than people i've known for years. i'm glad we're friends. the whole twin thing started off a joke, didn't it? but it was a bit like talking to a mirror. you were in a band and i was planning on being in a band. you liked pokemon and i loved pokemon. our cats looked pretty much the same. you had a dog and i wanted one. we liked the same music. we both loved old cartoons. and you were born the day after me. but yet, we're still different enough to not be boring. i guess it's just natural that we became such good friends.
but if that's all that was needed to make friends, the world would be a better place. i guess we became so close because we're both good listeners, something our friends lacked. you listened to me complain about all the pressure i felt was on me, and i listened to you complain about your manipulative bipolar (now ex-) girlfriend. you listened to my stories about all the strangers i talked to, and i listened to your stories about your family. you listened to anything and everything, and i did the same for you.
anyway, duditz, you've almost got me convinced that canada isn't the crappy place i've imagined it to be for so long. maybe one day we'll be neighbors. but that's just blind optimism. and isn't that your area of expertise? just kidding. even though you're canadian (i'm saying it like it's a bad thing, just for you), you're one of my favorite people. not an easy feat, and yet you managed it.
you're pretty cool, mister. and yes, i will be juggling on a unicycle at your (and sarah's) wedding. but only because you deserve nothing less.
you said we'd probably be friends forever. we will.
becuase you're definitely a friend worth around keeping that long.
honestly.
Showing posts with label thirty letters in thirty days.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thirty letters in thirty days.. Show all posts
8.18.2011
8.15.2011
to my ex-crush.
dear tino,
i'm sorry i told you i liked you. if i had known it would make things so awkward on your side, i wouldn't have done it. i thought we were totally perfect together. everyone else thought we were too. i mean my friends. i don't even think your friends considered it.
even though we don't really talk that much anymore (which will make seeing you when school starts again that much more fun), i'm glad we spent that time together. even if you didn't like me, i thought- and still think, to a certain degree- that you're an amazing person. you know how sometimes you like someone and then you realize they're losers? well, i wish i could say that about you. i mean, the only flaw i can think of is that you're a complete narcissist. did that make me echo?
anyway, i'm also glad i came to your band's gig after i told you i liked you. i meant it when i said you looked like an angel playing the guitar onstage. the restaurant was mostly dark, with the light shining mainly on you, even though you weren't even the lead singer. i couldn't have taken my eyes off of you then anyway. i hope you don't let it get to you. i mean, i'm taken now anyway, so don't ruin our friendship, okay? i don't have many friends who love bjork as much as we do.
if you had told me you liked me too (which many of our friends are still saying you do), and we had ended up together, you would've realized how perfect we were together. now we'll only be friends. you only have yourself to blame.
when i see you in a few weeks, i want you to give me a hug like we used to. i want to listen to music together and play air guitar like we used to. i want us to laugh like we used to. i want us to ride my unicycle together. i want us to be friends again. i miss you. even if we aren't friends in the same way, i'm glad we met anyway.
i liked you from the first second i saw you, by the way. it wasn't because you were in a band, or because you had a classic name. i liked you even more after we talked. i liked you for you. not your looks. not that you're bad looking. and i don't blame you for not liking me back, tino. if i was a guy, i would want my girlfriend to be skinnier than me. when school starts, i hope i'm smaller than you. i want you to think of all the possibilities that could've happened and didn't. i want you to suffer a little too. i know it sounds mean, but i think you deserve it.
don't feel too bad, though. you're still one of the cutest guys i know.
honestly.
i'm sorry i told you i liked you. if i had known it would make things so awkward on your side, i wouldn't have done it. i thought we were totally perfect together. everyone else thought we were too. i mean my friends. i don't even think your friends considered it.
even though we don't really talk that much anymore (which will make seeing you when school starts again that much more fun), i'm glad we spent that time together. even if you didn't like me, i thought- and still think, to a certain degree- that you're an amazing person. you know how sometimes you like someone and then you realize they're losers? well, i wish i could say that about you. i mean, the only flaw i can think of is that you're a complete narcissist. did that make me echo?
anyway, i'm also glad i came to your band's gig after i told you i liked you. i meant it when i said you looked like an angel playing the guitar onstage. the restaurant was mostly dark, with the light shining mainly on you, even though you weren't even the lead singer. i couldn't have taken my eyes off of you then anyway. i hope you don't let it get to you. i mean, i'm taken now anyway, so don't ruin our friendship, okay? i don't have many friends who love bjork as much as we do.
if you had told me you liked me too (which many of our friends are still saying you do), and we had ended up together, you would've realized how perfect we were together. now we'll only be friends. you only have yourself to blame.
when i see you in a few weeks, i want you to give me a hug like we used to. i want to listen to music together and play air guitar like we used to. i want us to laugh like we used to. i want us to ride my unicycle together. i want us to be friends again. i miss you. even if we aren't friends in the same way, i'm glad we met anyway.
i liked you from the first second i saw you, by the way. it wasn't because you were in a band, or because you had a classic name. i liked you even more after we talked. i liked you for you. not your looks. not that you're bad looking. and i don't blame you for not liking me back, tino. if i was a guy, i would want my girlfriend to be skinnier than me. when school starts, i hope i'm smaller than you. i want you to think of all the possibilities that could've happened and didn't. i want you to suffer a little too. i know it sounds mean, but i think you deserve it.
don't feel too bad, though. you're still one of the cutest guys i know.
honestly.
8.14.2011
to a stranger.
dear stranger,
it's probably been so long that you don't remember me. but for some unhealthy, obsessive reason, i remember you. it was about four years ago, i guess. we were on the train. i got on first and was standing around. you got on a few stops after me. but i didn't notice you then. i got a seat before you and after the train cleared out a bit more, there was a seat next to me. and a seat next to a much prettier girl (in all honesty) across from me. you looked at me, down at the space, and back at me. good thing i was staring at you, right? you sat down- beside me- and i tried to keep from smiling to myself, even though my face was heating up. (i hope you didn't notice, seriously.) you were reading from a book called "the harry truman show" and didn't take your eyes off of it again. (i looked in it, it looked like a script. was it?) our legs were touching. even after the bench had more room, our legs were still touching. my heart was beating so fast and loud, i was afraid you would hear it. when you got up to get off the train at seventy-fifth street, you got to the door, looked back and smiled. then you walked away.
that was the first time i had ever taken that train home from school. i took it as often as i could every day of that school year. sad, right? but you looked so cool. when i got home, i thought of all the professions you could possibly have. i imagined you were an actor. i imagined you were an aspiring playwright. i had so many ideas about you, and i didn't even know your name.
for months after that day, every story i wrote had a character that looked oddly similar to you. even now, i can still vaguely remember what you looked like. you had a well set jaw and slightly larger than medium sized almond shaped eyes. dark brown eyes. intense, or so it seemed to me. you were barely taller than me. maybe by two inches. barely. i remember the name i gave you too. minnaloushe. it isn't a very common name, but then, i felt like you were a rare person. which i guess, you were.
i don't know if you even live here anymore. or if you did to begin with. but thanks for making me feel better that day. you probably thought it was just a small act, or did it because we were sitting next to each other. i don't know. but my day had been complete and absolute crap until you smiled at me.
you know what else? i named my guitar minnaloushe. maybe i'm subconsciously hoping that if i become famous then i'll see you again.
i haven't taken that train in a while, or passed that stop. sometimes i hope our paths cross again, and sometimes i'm glad it was a one time thing. you seem so much more mysterious. if i had realized you were human, i probably wouldn't have remembered you this long.
i'm not even sure why i do remember you or the details of that thirty minute train ride so well. but it's one of my favorite memories. thanks a lot, louie.
if only there were more strangers like you.
honestly.
it's probably been so long that you don't remember me. but for some unhealthy, obsessive reason, i remember you. it was about four years ago, i guess. we were on the train. i got on first and was standing around. you got on a few stops after me. but i didn't notice you then. i got a seat before you and after the train cleared out a bit more, there was a seat next to me. and a seat next to a much prettier girl (in all honesty) across from me. you looked at me, down at the space, and back at me. good thing i was staring at you, right? you sat down- beside me- and i tried to keep from smiling to myself, even though my face was heating up. (i hope you didn't notice, seriously.) you were reading from a book called "the harry truman show" and didn't take your eyes off of it again. (i looked in it, it looked like a script. was it?) our legs were touching. even after the bench had more room, our legs were still touching. my heart was beating so fast and loud, i was afraid you would hear it. when you got up to get off the train at seventy-fifth street, you got to the door, looked back and smiled. then you walked away.
that was the first time i had ever taken that train home from school. i took it as often as i could every day of that school year. sad, right? but you looked so cool. when i got home, i thought of all the professions you could possibly have. i imagined you were an actor. i imagined you were an aspiring playwright. i had so many ideas about you, and i didn't even know your name.
for months after that day, every story i wrote had a character that looked oddly similar to you. even now, i can still vaguely remember what you looked like. you had a well set jaw and slightly larger than medium sized almond shaped eyes. dark brown eyes. intense, or so it seemed to me. you were barely taller than me. maybe by two inches. barely. i remember the name i gave you too. minnaloushe. it isn't a very common name, but then, i felt like you were a rare person. which i guess, you were.
i don't know if you even live here anymore. or if you did to begin with. but thanks for making me feel better that day. you probably thought it was just a small act, or did it because we were sitting next to each other. i don't know. but my day had been complete and absolute crap until you smiled at me.
you know what else? i named my guitar minnaloushe. maybe i'm subconsciously hoping that if i become famous then i'll see you again.
i haven't taken that train in a while, or passed that stop. sometimes i hope our paths cross again, and sometimes i'm glad it was a one time thing. you seem so much more mysterious. if i had realized you were human, i probably wouldn't have remembered you this long.
i'm not even sure why i do remember you or the details of that thirty minute train ride so well. but it's one of my favorite memories. thanks a lot, louie.
if only there were more strangers like you.
honestly.
8.12.2011
to my dreams.
i know exactly who you are. you're a girl with a guitar on her lap at an open mic, singing to a crowd of adoring fans. you're a doctor in a veterinarian's office, telling a little boy his dog is doing just fine. you're a clown on a unicycle, juggling oranges and apples. you're an author, signing copies of your fifteenth best seller. you're an artist who finally finished publishing a children's book.
you're not shy or awkward, but bold when you have to deal with other people. you're amusing. you're sarcastic, witty and clever enough to disguise it. you're holding a bag full of orange skittles. you're sitting in a bar. you're climbing a tree. you're being yourself and being okay with it. because you're amazing, wonderful and happy.
it's a shame that you're only a figment of my imagination. that you're something that only becomes real when reality becomes intangible. it's even sadder that maybe some day, bits and pieces of you will become real, but you will never be all the things you want to be. is it wrong of me to limit you like this? perhaps. but it's safer than clinging to you until you vanish some other way.
sometimes you hide from me when i close my eyes. is it because i'm doubtful? or because you're unsure like me? i don't always understand you, or believe in you, but i couldn't live without you. you keep me going, you drive me on. you make me clench my jaw and keep trying because i want you to be real. i want to see you in the mirror one day. until then, anyway, stay the way you are. who knows? maybe i'll run away and join the circus or switch majors again. but no matter what, i'll do my best to make you- as much of you as i can- real.
honestly.
you're not shy or awkward, but bold when you have to deal with other people. you're amusing. you're sarcastic, witty and clever enough to disguise it. you're holding a bag full of orange skittles. you're sitting in a bar. you're climbing a tree. you're being yourself and being okay with it. because you're amazing, wonderful and happy.
it's a shame that you're only a figment of my imagination. that you're something that only becomes real when reality becomes intangible. it's even sadder that maybe some day, bits and pieces of you will become real, but you will never be all the things you want to be. is it wrong of me to limit you like this? perhaps. but it's safer than clinging to you until you vanish some other way.
sometimes you hide from me when i close my eyes. is it because i'm doubtful? or because you're unsure like me? i don't always understand you, or believe in you, but i couldn't live without you. you keep me going, you drive me on. you make me clench my jaw and keep trying because i want you to be real. i want to see you in the mirror one day. until then, anyway, stay the way you are. who knows? maybe i'll run away and join the circus or switch majors again. but no matter what, i'll do my best to make you- as much of you as i can- real.
honestly.
8.10.2011
to my sister.
hey jay! <3
i can't imagine growing up without a big sister like you.
without you, sis, eighteen years of my life would be spent as a total disaster. i had a tendency to do some pretty weird stuff, right? but you always looked out for me.
you probably already know i'm your biggest fan. i'm never joking when i tell people you're the prettiest person i know. i can't wait until we're both gorgeous. unlike my other six siblings, you're the only one i'm truly fond of. and the only one who really took care of me. even though you're almost eight years older than me, you still let me hang out with you when your friends were nearby. which was pretty cool of you in my opinion.
remember the times we used to play candyland and monopoly together? or save up our allowance to buy board games? and the way we would watch disney movies- the old ones, like aladdin or beauty and the beast- until we practically knew it by heart? those are some of my favorite memories.
i know you think i'm amazing because i play so many instruments and sing and stuff, but the truth is i think you're even more amazing, even if you don't do that stuff. i mean, when i got drunk at your birthday party last month in front of your friend, i was sure you'd never talk to me again. (i'm also sorry i drank a lot more than you and yet managed to not get drunk sooner. your tolernace level is pathetic.) but even though i totally embarassed you by telling all those stories from our childhood, you still called me the next day to make sure i was okay. (can you believe mom never realized i was totally drunk? is she out of her mind?)
anyway, no matter what, i'll always be your little sister. i'll still sing songs about you being the most beautiful girl in the world, and i'll still defend you no matter how old i get. i'll keep taking your clothes (when we're the same size again, that's gonna mean jeans too) and i'll keep asking you to hang out with me. and one day, when you're married with children (unless you're also not getting married), i'll tell your kids all the things you did when we were younger. and then they'll think you're totally awesome too.
but no one will ever think more of you, want you to be happier, or care about you more than me.
honestly.
i can't imagine growing up without a big sister like you.
without you, sis, eighteen years of my life would be spent as a total disaster. i had a tendency to do some pretty weird stuff, right? but you always looked out for me.
you probably already know i'm your biggest fan. i'm never joking when i tell people you're the prettiest person i know. i can't wait until we're both gorgeous. unlike my other six siblings, you're the only one i'm truly fond of. and the only one who really took care of me. even though you're almost eight years older than me, you still let me hang out with you when your friends were nearby. which was pretty cool of you in my opinion.
remember the times we used to play candyland and monopoly together? or save up our allowance to buy board games? and the way we would watch disney movies- the old ones, like aladdin or beauty and the beast- until we practically knew it by heart? those are some of my favorite memories.
i know you think i'm amazing because i play so many instruments and sing and stuff, but the truth is i think you're even more amazing, even if you don't do that stuff. i mean, when i got drunk at your birthday party last month in front of your friend, i was sure you'd never talk to me again. (i'm also sorry i drank a lot more than you and yet managed to not get drunk sooner. your tolernace level is pathetic.) but even though i totally embarassed you by telling all those stories from our childhood, you still called me the next day to make sure i was okay. (can you believe mom never realized i was totally drunk? is she out of her mind?)
anyway, no matter what, i'll always be your little sister. i'll still sing songs about you being the most beautiful girl in the world, and i'll still defend you no matter how old i get. i'll keep taking your clothes (when we're the same size again, that's gonna mean jeans too) and i'll keep asking you to hang out with me. and one day, when you're married with children (unless you're also not getting married), i'll tell your kids all the things you did when we were younger. and then they'll think you're totally awesome too.
but no one will ever think more of you, want you to be happier, or care about you more than me.
honestly.
8.09.2011
to my parents.
hey, mom and dad.
i've got a few things to get off my chest, so pay attention.
i don't like when you plan out my life for me. i don't want to be a doctor, dad. but thanks for putting that in my birthday card before you died. really made me feel better about my job choice. i would've been learning how to be a vet if not for you, mother. yes, a vet is a real doctor. but now i'm going to be a music therapist, which fits me almost as nicely. so thanks for that.
i don't hate either of you, i just don't like the way you think. like that rule from when i was younger about not talking back? i stopped following that one when i hit twelve. i have a mind of my own, you know. or had, since i think i'm losing it. maybe it's already lost. i also don't like the way you think i'm still a baby. i'm my own person. just because i look a little like you, dad, doesn't mean i'm going to grow up exactly like you. even if i'd be a pretty awesome person.
thanks for the crazy genes, dad. they keep me so amused. and mom, thanks for helping to make me the psychotic, wild eyed, arrogant girl i am today. and for getting me started on the road to suicide. couldn't have done it without you..
mom, i won't stop calling you "woman" until you realize i'm eighteen years old. until you stop asking me if i'm wearing clean underwear and if i've washed behind my ears. until you stop yelling at me for leaving food on my plate when i eat out. until you stop yelling period. until you stop treating me like a failure.
dad, you're still the coolest person i know. i wish you had stayed alive a bit longer. graduation was lame without you. i'm learning how to play the guitar, by the way. although i doubt i'll ever shred like you, old man. but i'll try my best. still have your bass too. thanks for everything.
honestly.
i've got a few things to get off my chest, so pay attention.
i don't like when you plan out my life for me. i don't want to be a doctor, dad. but thanks for putting that in my birthday card before you died. really made me feel better about my job choice. i would've been learning how to be a vet if not for you, mother. yes, a vet is a real doctor. but now i'm going to be a music therapist, which fits me almost as nicely. so thanks for that.
i don't hate either of you, i just don't like the way you think. like that rule from when i was younger about not talking back? i stopped following that one when i hit twelve. i have a mind of my own, you know. or had, since i think i'm losing it. maybe it's already lost. i also don't like the way you think i'm still a baby. i'm my own person. just because i look a little like you, dad, doesn't mean i'm going to grow up exactly like you. even if i'd be a pretty awesome person.
thanks for the crazy genes, dad. they keep me so amused. and mom, thanks for helping to make me the psychotic, wild eyed, arrogant girl i am today. and for getting me started on the road to suicide. couldn't have done it without you..
mom, i won't stop calling you "woman" until you realize i'm eighteen years old. until you stop asking me if i'm wearing clean underwear and if i've washed behind my ears. until you stop yelling at me for leaving food on my plate when i eat out. until you stop yelling period. until you stop treating me like a failure.
dad, you're still the coolest person i know. i wish you had stayed alive a bit longer. graduation was lame without you. i'm learning how to play the guitar, by the way. although i doubt i'll ever shred like you, old man. but i'll try my best. still have your bass too. thanks for everything.
honestly.
8.08.2011
to my crush.
dear old soul,
i could say a lot of things to you. like the way i appreciate the things you do for me. or the way your jokes are just corny enough to be funny. the way i love that you don't have to curse to tell me you're unhappy about something. how cute i think it is that you like applesauce, even though you call it old people food. the way you can tell me anything and i can tell you anything. the way we were both born in blizzards. the way i feel guilty after i look at someone else in a way that's anything but innocent. how happy i am when you tell me you love me. how scared i am that i won't love you forever.
i guess you don't know this about me- or maybe you do? you've known me long enough. i'm so unstable. but for some reason, you decided to go for it anyway. and i really appreciate that. i'm so fickle. i really hope i don't ruin this. whatever this is.
sorry i'm not as perfect as you. but i will be as soon as possible, and then i promise you'll have nothing to worry about.
you really are perfect, you know. or maybe just too good to be true...
remember you said you'd be one hundred percent honest with me if i was with you? i think i can do that for you.
honestly. <3
i could say a lot of things to you. like the way i appreciate the things you do for me. or the way your jokes are just corny enough to be funny. the way i love that you don't have to curse to tell me you're unhappy about something. how cute i think it is that you like applesauce, even though you call it old people food. the way you can tell me anything and i can tell you anything. the way we were both born in blizzards. the way i feel guilty after i look at someone else in a way that's anything but innocent. how happy i am when you tell me you love me. how scared i am that i won't love you forever.
i guess you don't know this about me- or maybe you do? you've known me long enough. i'm so unstable. but for some reason, you decided to go for it anyway. and i really appreciate that. i'm so fickle. i really hope i don't ruin this. whatever this is.
sorry i'm not as perfect as you. but i will be as soon as possible, and then i promise you'll have nothing to worry about.
you really are perfect, you know. or maybe just too good to be true...
remember you said you'd be one hundred percent honest with me if i was with you? i think i can do that for you.
honestly. <3
8.07.2011
to my best friend.
hey lee.
how's tricks? what's been going on lately? we don't talk as much as we used to. and now our conversations are totally superficial. i'm glad we're exercising together, and mainly that you're being healthier about it than me. but anyway.
thanks for being there when shit hit the fan. and although you never had any really good things to say (no offense), i appreciate you being there. i mean, you said something good. like once. when i had a crush on josh? you said something like "that guy's a complete loser and he knows it." turns out you were only half right. i don't think he realizes or knows.
i know i'm i think i wanted to tell you this for a while, but didn't know how to. i'm tired of you treating me like a kid. i know i'm two years younger than you, but sometimes it feels like i'm ten years younger. which is good, in a way. and horrible in several others. maybe you're just ridiculously mature. actually, now that i think about it, you really are. how did we end up best friends anyway? i only talked to you i barely talked to you in school, and when we did talk, you were with your other friends. the ones who always seemed to know where they were going in life and were too good for people who were less than perfect. you know who i'm talking about. well, you would if you read this. but anywho.
i know you don't think i can do this. but damn, i know i can, lee. so just, keep it on the hush hush. (you should really stop saying that by the way.)
honestly.
thanks for being there when shit hit the fan. and although you never had any really good things to say (no offense), i appreciate you being there. i mean, you said something good. like once. when i had a crush on josh? you said something like "that guy's a complete loser and he knows it." turns out you were only half right. i don't think he realizes or knows.
i know you don't think i can do this. but damn, i know i can, lee. so just, keep it on the hush hush. (you should really stop saying that by the way.)
honestly.
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