fascination.

the greatest update EVER. (prepare yourself.)

november:

after realizing i liked someone, who i shall refer to only as the bear, i started eating candy less. around the second week of the month, my mother was dropping a friend of mine home when she started talking about my eating habits (which to be fair, had "improved" by her standards). he laughed and said it was hard to believe that i ate so little and yet i was so "big". then he backpedaled and said, "not fat, really, just not tiny." it was uncomfortable. it was about then that i started eating less and more at the same time. like, i'd eat nothing one day and then stuff my face the next day. and since i found out the bear liked someone, i tried to keep my distance a little.

because, of course i'd rather have him happy and just like me as a friend than be unhappy and with me as something more than that. and of course i would say that and not believe it very much in my own heart.

spent a good deal of my time daydreaming and becoming real friends with the amazingly talented red. 


deleted all of my thinspo, though. that was stupid, i had a pretty decent collection.

december:

(fortunately only a handful of days passed by.)

happened to hear red on the phone with his friend, discussing the ins and outs of his current relationship. (break-up approaching in the near future.) the next day he gave me a cd of his band's music. did better in the classes i was doing poorly in, and worse in the classes i was doing well in. apparently, i can't balance. one or the other.

aside from that, nothing really happened. i did my best to not lose my mind and did a pretty good job of it until this past thursday? wednesday? something around there. and the concert this weekend was splendid. i got to hug the bear, although that was after he introduced the pirate to his 'rentals. (parents, if you're not familiar with that. and yes, he's the guy from the hallowe'en party.) and tomorrow, according to my impulsive nature, i'll either be telling him i like him after i fail my final (joking about that last bit,... hopefully) OR i'll be telling him nothing after i fail my final (seriously, though, i can't fail this final). i wrote a sappy 80's style love song about this whole affair, but of course, he'll never hear of it. unless things change.

and what about food? well, we're still terrible enemies, although closer than before.

and i've developed a deeper love for audrey hepburn. and still madly in love with french music.

i need to stop watching these hepburn movies and get to sleep, though.

i keep filling my head with these silly ideas about love and romance. i should stop doing that, or at least take a break, before i ruin the end of my year.

honestly.

p.s. i went to a restaurant last night with about 30 other people. a little going away feast for a friend, or so i was told. i had a shirley temple (extra virgin, according to the handsome waiter). amazingly i did not eat anything. not even the cherry on top. cheers. if only i could do that every day for the next three months.