that explains a lot.

firstt, thanks for the suggestions. jax, i love a tree grows in brooklyn. you have no idea. everything else, i'm new to. i'll do my best to get through all of 'em. (or as many as i can.) bones, it's funny, i have catch-22 on my shelf and i pass it every time i make these book stacks. time to add it to the pile, i see. rayya, tangled was AWESOME. so i would not mind rewatching it. (bad ass female character? it's got my seal of approval.) depressed skinny mess, reading is therapeutic. you're right. now i'll add every old school disney movie to the list. (even though snow white scares the hell out of me at the end. and my cat.) but like, thanks for that.


that list... is no laughing matter. i realized that today. i watched i know what you did last summer, willy wonka and the chocolate factory and beetlejuice. and i read massive. so i barely made a dent in that thing. but that could be because i got my weights in the mail today. (awww yeahh.) i was happy; i think the delivery guy was pissed beyond words. i exercised... and then i passed out. good times. and then i watched the machinist. or part of it, anyway, before i passed out again.

christian bale is totally awesome. enjoy it. breathe it in. roll him up and smoke him. american psycho was always one of my favorite movies. he's the olympian ideal in the movie. and the blood and murders just make everything better. (silver axe-- brilliant.) now i have another reason to stare at him in semi-infatuated awe. what kind of actor starves themselves for four months for a movie?



pfffffffffffffffttttt.

that was a joke. a bad one. sorry.

but he really did lose a ton of weight. apparently he lived off of one apple and a cup of coffee a day for four months. look. gasp. stop breathing. (i did, for about a minute after i saw him.) he weighs himself in the movie, writes it on a post-it and sticks it underneath other post-its with his weight on it. but then, he plays an insomniac with obvious issues. (because you'd have to be mental to be that obsessed with your weight.)

on the left: american psycho. on the right: the machinist.  

actually, seeing him like that made me remember how skinny my dad was. i think one day he went out and got a scale (the one i use now), a barbell and a couple of weights (WHICH SOME ASSHOLE FAMILY MEMBERS TOOK) and then came home and started exercising religiously every morning. (that would explain the protein shake mix i found in the kitchen...) a couple months later, he was making extra notches in his belt. and he bought another scale for the bathroom downstairs. i could tell you every meal he ate while i was in high school. partially because he had the same thing every day and because he had this rule about not eating from other people. (tea and one buttered roll for breakfast. ginger ale or coca cola with a bag of plantain chips for lunch. salad for dinner. tea before bed.) but anyway, at five feet and eleven inches, i guess one hundred and twenty eight pounds was kind of low for him. come to think of it, i thought it was normal. my aunt is like that, you see. except she uses a treadmill. ...huh. 

actually, come to think of it, all of my aunts are either grossly fat or ridiculously skinny. well, only one is ridiculously skinny. the others are huge.

..... i was having a miniature epiphany, and then my dog rolled over. so adorable... with the little paws twitching in his sleep and everything. (feel free to barf rainbows.)

wait. here it is. 

.... no i lost it. but it had something to do with self-motivation, protein shakes and exercise. and not having people tell me i look like i could be my mean, fat, controlling aunt's daughter. something about getting to eighty five pounds, no matter what.

right. that's it. i can do this. because for what it's worth, i don't think i could live with not doing this.

honestly.