one of those new habits i mentioned.

about five months ago, i stopped eating normally. cut calories like there was no tomorrow. obviously i haven't been eating healthy. add that to the fact that i hate taking vitamins (or pills of any sort) and it's a real shocker that my doctor said i was super healthy two weeks ago. i mean, i almost said, "what the fuck are you talking about?" to her. gave me just the boost i needed to give in to myself. (what the hell is super healthy anyway?) she also said i've been around the same weight for almost three years now. which is disgusting.

i weigh one hundred and twenty six pounds and i'm almost five feet three inches. some of my family likes to say i'm pretty. but aren't they supposed to say that? one of my aunts slipped up a while ago and said "aren't you getting a little fat?" never mind the fact that this bitch is like, pushin' two hundred pounds, she said i was getting a little fat. she's great thinspiration, by the way. everytime i see her, food suddenly becomes so unappealing. (fat people as thinspiration. just drive by a mcdonalds and you'll be skinny in no time.) of course, i don't see her very often. she's not someone i like to be around. but i digress.

my sister is so gorgeous and thin. she's my height and like, 90 pounds. we used to fit the same clothes. now i'm like, dying to get ONE LEG in her jeans, you know? back to calorie cutting.

i went from like, two thousand calories a day to no more than seven hundred. i love some of the blogs here, they're so inspirational. (keep blogging, you have no idea how amazing you are.) anyway, right now i'm one-twenty-six. which isn't that great. i want to join a gym, but i'm not allowed to until i register for classes. (my mother's a bitch. just sayin'.) all i need is two weeks in a gym and i can get down to one-seventeen. that's my goal for september third. before school starts.

so here's some of my habits for keeping food out of my mouth. and pounds off of the scale.

• read a book. i mean like, literary critic kind of reading. slowly. digesting each sentence. i spent three hours reading once. instead of eating. good times.
• make something. i crochet, so i make teddy bears. you can't do those in a few minutes. takes a while. when you're done, you have two things to show off-- a great body and an adorable teddy bear.
• always do something. if i'm bored and hungry, food is going to make me hungry. so i walk my puppy. or i go for a long walk in my area. or i practice the guitar. anything to take my mind off food.
• clean. and then make a mess if you're still hungry. and then clean some more.
• yoga. i do yoga in the morning. (wai lana is amazing. in my opinion.) by the time i'm finished, food isn't even on the agenda.
• drink water if i find myself in the kitchen. or get out of it quickly and go outside.
• look in the mirror if i hear my stomach growl and smile because i know it'll pay off.

it also helps that i'm vegan, so i get to reject a lot of foods when my friends offer me. like today, i was volunteering with some kids and i had a conversation with this lady, ms. h. it basically went like this:

ms h-- thanks so much for helping the kids. do you want some pizza?

me-- umm...no thanks. i'm not really hungry. {WRONG ANSWER.}

ms h-- what? you've been here all day, just eat something.

me-- no, i can't, really. i'm vegan. {duh, should've said that the first time.}

ms h-- ohhh, i see.

today i had like, six hundred and sixty two calories. which is totally my fault. i had some tofu when i got home. i was doing so well too. until three p.m., i'd only consumed twenty calories. by the time my mother got home almost three hours later,... well, you know. but tomorrow, i won't eat anything. know why?

because nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

when i step on the scale and i've reached my goal, i'll be full of joy.

and it's not like i need to eat anyway. i'm super healthy.

and food is gross. i might try a liquid fast. i'm so determined to do this. i have to.

honestly.