i wish the little creatures inside my brain would stop dancing and just let me get to sleep already, because it's late-- or is that early?-- and i have school in the morning.

you know what sucks ?girls can be reallly bitchy.

especially to the less aesthetically pleasing.

in fact, i'm sorry to say that until three weeks ago, i was (unknowingly, but still) one of those girls. but then i realized what i was doing, and i've been doing my best to be nice ever since. and-- i'm still not sure how i feel about this-- i think i've attracted a friend. friends are awesome, don't get me wrong, but when they say things like, "let's eat at ------- every friday now! it'll be our thing!" i become a little less enthusiastic about getting to know them. but, this particular person has been more or less ostracized from most of the people she usually talks to. and i know how that feels. so i figure, i'll go along with it, as long as i eat as little as possible, and burn it all off.

i think my mind is becoming restless. i've been noticing far more than i would have cared to and i've been devouring books. i usually can't do that when i'm focused. also, i've been trying to sleep for four hours and i still haven't. obviously.

yay, insomnia.

on a completely unrelated note-- or maybe not, maybe it's subconsciously related-- i keep having flashbacks of my dog being around me. it's definitely unhealthy. usually once a memory starts replaying, i have to sit through it and suffer. and believe me, i'm suffering. but hopefully he's happy, with his new family that loves him very much.

maybe they have a little girl, who brushes his fur, and a teenage boy who takes him for walks late at night. and maybe they've taught him more tricks, and gave him a new name. i'm really sad that he's gone, but at least he's escaped my mother, which is more than i can say.

grrrr.

i don't want to think about that before bed.

ahhhh, whatever.

i'm going to color in some coloring books. (fairies and butterflies!!) maybe that'll put me to sleep.

i may be twenty (age-wise), but mentally, i'm probably around seven. i'm such a child.

sooo, it's way past my bedtime.

honestly.