running out of excuses.

puck. he's as unpredictable as i am but in less insane ways. in cuter ways. in better ways. i like it.

yesterday, i stood in a hallway. loitering. chatting with my friend's boyfriend and yoshi. we were laughing about violins. the world's tiniest violin. mr. krabs. really, we were rambling. but we had nothing better to do. and then there he was. puck. i love/hate the way my brain lights up when i see him. sometimes i'm afraid he'll notice. other times i hope he does. either way, there he was, walking down the hall with that same mischievous facial expression. without saying a word, as he got closer, his hand rose. for a high five, i assumed. so i raised my hand too. (like i'd miss out on an opportunity to make contact with him.)

i'm still not sure when the high five stopped being a high five. or when he laced his fingers through mine. but it did. and he did. i tried to stall him, so he wouldn't go to class just yet. i didn't have a class at that moment. but he said he had to. i bet my teacher's in there, he said over his shoulder as he opened the door to his classroom. his teacher was there. well, well. whaddya know. then he closed the door behind him. 

again, later, i was standing in the hall, talking to my friend. puck walked into me, shouldering me gently as he passed. i ended the conversation, sidled up to him and asked him why he walks at the same speed all the time. (please note: he always walks at the same speed.) we were talking, talking, talking. laughing at certain points. smiling, non-stop. he went to use the bathroom before class. i went to hang out with people.

then i saw him again after school. i admired his facial features. as well as the rest of him. the sun shined in his eyes. clear, faded green. squinting, i said i wanted to play with his hair. he let me. he didn't even mind when i kept fixing it each time the wind messed it up. (which means next time i see him, i'm gonna be all over that.) he lingered. ten minutes, twenty minutes, thirty minutes. i just stared at him at certain points, puzzled but exhilarated. we made small talk. then waterbear popped up. and she managed to make the conversation significantly less awkward. (hooray!) and then he went home because he had to type a paper. 

my friends are all happily frustrated with me. they say i'm acting out of character. i can talk to anyone without fumbling for words. i can get anyone's number, often without trying. when it's someone i like, i turn into a giant chicken. they say i can't keep acting like i'm not sure if he's interested. they say he must be, if he was willing to stand around just so i could stare at him. they say he wouldn't tell me he'd see me tomorrow if he didn't plan on letting me see him tomorrow. they say if he didn't like me, he wouldn't ask me to sing to him. he wouldn't sit with me, he wouldn't let me hug him or play with his hair. i still don't know. do any of those really mean something? 

i just don't know.

honestly.