i guess the cat's out of the bag.

turns out i can be a bitch when i'm jealous.

i can admit it here, can't i? jealousy. with just a hint of rage. my friend, who i've known for nine years, got married this past weekend. i was one of her bridesmaids. a few weeks before the wedding, she started taunting me (like a child in junior high school) about how i've had all these crushes, and she meets one guy and now they're getting married, but i'm still single. yeah. thanks, buddy. i won't even bother talking about self-esteem, because you know how that is.

anyway, so one of her other bridesmaids and i slept over at her house leading up to the wedding. this other bridesmaid is an idiotic girl we've known since high school, who became a bridesmaid simply because "she was really excited about the wedding". anyway, i was hoping to be the thinnest bridesmaid, but she beat me to it (the bitch). let's not get into too much detail but i think you're getting the general picture.

so suppressed jealousy plus black out inducing levels of alcohol equals a good time.

fortunately, i didn't say anything to the bride, because i was really happy for her. (thank fuck.) as for the girl i'd only been pretending to like, it seems i really gave her a piece of my mind. (which is fortunate for her, because now she can say she has one.) the only thing i remember clearly is sitting on the lap of one of the groomsmen and making out with him. and i can just barely remember that. everything else is missing from my memory. which is good. (well, i lost my panties somewhere during that whole memory lapse... so that might be bad. but whatever.) came to in a hallway, irritated as hell and barefoot. how i got to the hotel is still a mystery, as are the hours between 11 and 2. but whatever. no one seemed concerned, so it's cool. apparently the groom got drunk too, which kinda makes sense, since we both had the same amount of drinks/shots. the lovely bride abandoned both of us to eat pizza with her friends from college.

it's gonna be a beautiful marriage, i can see that already.

i should be a little concerned with my love for blackouts, but in reality, i'm pretty happy with the way things turned out. i don't have to pretend i like that girl, i don't have any horrible memories that will haunt me (except for maybe the memory of  realizing my panties were missing), and i got to make out with a decently attractive guy from london. if i only blackout once this year, i'm glad it was at a wedding reception.

i stopped drinking for exactly 10 months, only to start drinking again on june ninth (it all started with a pint...). plus, as i do with everything else i try to quit, when i started again, i tried to make up for lost time by drinking more. and i've still got one whole month left before school starts and i stop drinking again.

this is shaping up to be the best summer ever. i can't wait.

honestly.