incomplete and insecure.

i haven't posted in a few days. i came down with some sort of cold. not hurricane related, because i barely felt a raindrop on my forehead. but i went outside on sunday and then suddenly i was sneezing and having rhino-stampede headaches. but i'm getting better. at least physically. actually, no. i have a headache right now. i love children's vitamins, by the way. they're chewy and have amazing shapes. whoever decided to make dinosaur shaped vitamins deserves a prize.

i've also been catching up with my best friend/ brain twin. ever since he started going out with this girl (about a year ago), he hasn't been able to talk as much. she doesn't like him talking to other girls. but apparently it's okay for her to spend more than a casual amount of time with other guys while he's away. i could look past the possessiveness, because he looks a bit like jake gyllenhaal and he's completely sincere. but not this. seriously.


what kind of idiot cheats on a guy like that?

you know what's terrible? when you like someone and you can't tell them, so you put them in the best friend category. it's like shooting yourself in the foot during a marathon. but their relationship is on the rocks. which is, in theory, good for me. but horrible for him. so i'm hoping they don't break up. especially since he told me he loved me like a brofriend. which is just weird. a bit disappointing too. i don't want this to end up like my best friend's wedding. maybe like some kind of wonderful. maybe i should tell her that if she breaks his heart, i'll break her face. or maybe i should just surprise her.

this whole situation is a badly tossed salad of emotions. he once said something along the lines of "we have more in common than me and my girlfriend." which could just be nothing more than an observation. but "you're an okay looking girl, and i'm an all right looking guy. we could probably work together" is slightly less than vague. (luckily, that was over a year ago.) i'll be talking to myself all day about this.

why the week before school? if this had all happened two months ago, i would've been okay with it. now instead of getting ready for school, i'll be wondering if i really like him and deciding i do, but that nothing will happen because of my deep seeded personal insecurities.

by the way, what the hell is a brofriend? i mean, if a girl says that to a guy, then sure, okay. but a guy saying it to a girl?! i plan to take out my confusion and slight frustration on my carpet today. i'm ripping it out of my room. why? i don't know. and i'm probably going to get started on his christmas gift tonight. i'm making a frog teddy bear.

i should probably stop listening to love songs. or at least we could be so good together by the doors. maybe some smiths.


please, please, please, let me get what i want. lord knows it would be the first time~


ACTUALLY. i think i'll just blast some rob zombie.

honestly.