i want to walk in the snow and not soil its purity.

i was listening to 4 st 7 lb by manic street preachers all day yesterday. i loved that band for years and i never heard that song until a few days ago. terrible. and i'm going to listen to lots of nirvana today. i didn't wear the stockings, because i found these really blue ones in my room. so i wore those instead. i'll try to take a picture of them, as soon as i find my camera. :)

i made up this silly game yesterday, where every time i saw someone really thin, i'd drink seventeen ounces of water (takes twenty four point six seconds). i didn't think i would drink as much as i did. but when i got home last night, i was like, three pounds higher on the scale. (and i basically spent my breaks at school IN the bathroom.) it was torture. see, last time that happened, i broke and started eating. and i had basically no homework due today, which is even worse. too much free time. but thank goodness water fasting drains your energy. i totally fell asleep while reading a book. must've been mid sentence or something. it didn't help that this sad feeling kept creeping around me yesterday. at one point, it slipped inside my rib cage and sat in a really awkward position between my lungs. i felt like i couldn't breathe.

but i feel better now, because i haven't eaten and i'm finally down to one eighteen point two. (again.) but this time, i'm not going to screw it up and binge on vegetables. i'm going to keep fasting. day four of water fasting. yay :) i thought i knew how much i would weigh by day twenty one of this, but i can't be sure anymore. so i'm just going to keep my fingers crossed.

there's this girl i have class with. she's so tiny. she looks like a doll. she's really pretty. she's my in-school thinspo. (don't have much of that. most of the girls in my major are like, huge.) gosh, i hope someone says that about me one day. anyway, i'm really glad i stuck it out. i should definitely stop weighing myself as much as i do. that being said, i'm going to weigh myself again now before i get ready for school.

old habits die hard, you know.

honestly.