i was told desire had a sell-by date.

well, it's rotted and altered but still remains.

i was in such a funk yesterday, i didn't mention the good things that happened at school. earlier this year, before i started admitting my feelings for two people who are as different as feathers and strawberries (feelings that were non-existent at the time), i liked this guy. let's call him red. i thought he was magnetic when i first saw him, since my eyes wouldn't move very far from him. we wore the same sneakers (red converses, hence the name) and had the same style. i. was hypnotized. that friend from yesterday, let's call her... banana (since fruits and veggies are all she eats). i confided in her that i liked red. she turned her nose up in disgust. "he smokes pot," she commented with disgust. (she's all about being straight edge.) i didn't care about that, but i pretended to be shocked. "that's not the kind of person you want to spend time with." anyway, i'm not one to take advice. so i took another friend of mine outside with me when red left the building.

i asked my friend what his name was. he told me. so i watched red cross the parking lot for another five seconds before yelling "RED" (or whatever his real name is, haha). he turned around and i said hi, he asked what my name was and then he left. that was about the extent of our acquaintanceship.

anywho, when i got to school, i ran into-- guess who?-- banana! (if you thought red, you're getting ahead of the story. calm down.) she pointed me to my first class.. outside my classroom door, i ran into-- okay, go ahead, you know this-- red! i didn't think he'd remember me. so i didn't say anything to him. but he smiled and said, "hey, i remember you!" so i guess he did. and then i said, "oh yeah, you look familiar." as if i didn't know. pffft. silly me. so we exchanged names, found out we were in the same class and high-fived. he sat in front of me (which is when i noticed hie had a tattoo on the back of his right shoulder. "it's the treble clef," he informed me.) and then next to me when we rearranged the chairs in a semi-circle. he joked a lot whenever the teacher wasn't talking. i felt awkward. nervous. shy. but happy. (the level of happiness you'd get from smelling the inside of a new car. or new sneakers.) then class ended. he vanished outside to smoke. (something i wish i had the balls to do in public at school.) i went to class. i ran into this  partially creepy and much older guy i was slightly familiar with. turns out he was in my next class. and just when i began to consider changing my schedule, there was red. strolling through the door. yes, my eyebrows shot up. yes, his did too. then he got a chair and put it beside mine. now, i'm not sure if that was because i was sitting there, or because this other girl was sitting on my other side, but whatever the reason, he ended up next to me.

again.

cheers! maybe he'll turn out to be in some of my other classes too. i guess i'll find out on monday. it's a shame, though. he seems like a really sweet guy, but i told myself i wouldn't have any crushes. i barely pay attention already. my notes from yesterday are ten percent actual notes and ninety percent doodles. (red noticed this and glanced often at my paper, but didn't comment. maybe because i drew his tattoo. my excuse? we're taking music classes together.)

anyway, today was a beautiful day. for once, i wouldn't change a thing. i woke up late, so i didn't do yoga today, but i let it slide. i drank a cup of water every thirty minutes until about two hours ago when i ate a bunch of broccoli. sometime between three and four i did seven hundred jumping jacks and about one hour of... vigorous movement. i wasn't even really exercising, just "dancing" to music. then, when i was truly worn out, i started writing my favorite lyrics in one of my blank notebooks. (most of them are from piano magic.) at which point i got a text from my best friend stating that his girlfriend barely spoke to him all day, and then went out with a bunch of guys and started ignoring him. (yes, that made me happy too. i don't care. i'll feel guilty tomorrow. MAYBE.) i told him to cheer up. maybe now he'll start to accept the fact that there's a good chance that she's considering breaking up with him. good riddance, i say. gotta take out the trash eventually. he has to open his eyes sometime.

what am i forgetting... oh yeah!

you guys. are so amazing. thanks for all the positive comments you leave behind. and just for reading period. *wipes tear* (no, not really. but the sentiment is totally there.) i really appreciate it. you have no idea.

did i mention you're all amazing?

because you are.

honestly.

(oh yeah, and like, it's my mother's birthday today. i should have gotten her something.... like a card. something like a card. i'll figure something out on sunday. or i'll never hear the end of it.)