4.11.2012

it's more common than you think.

despite warnings that being social is highly overrated, i went to odette's house. it's really freaking adorable. we talked for like, four hours. about a lot. then i went home and wandered around in a desperate attempt to stay away from home as long as possible. and when i finally got home, she called to make sure i was okay, because it had been like two hours. 

she played the guitar and sang for me. which was super cool, because apparently she can't do that for many people. (it took a year for her to be able to do that with her boyfriend. jinkies.) she was telling me about how she has a lot of disorders. i lost track at one point, so you can only imagine. then she told me-- and i swear, this was out of the blue-- about how she tries to gain weight but she just can't. use your imagination. and then she confided in me that she had an eating disorder (which was right about the time i started talking a LOT less) and about how only her boyfriend and i really knew about that. (and her family, i'd assume.) she said it was since she was seven. oh no wait, this wasn't out of the blue. she asked me if i wanted something to eat and i said i wasn't really hungry. that's right. then she said, "i knew you were just like me." (seems like it. i feel she's like an older, prettier version of me.) and then she told me all that stuff. 

her: it's great because it's like you're in a great mood one day, so you decide to eat a bunch of crap. then suddenly you're depressed and you--

me: -- hate yourself for eating all that shit? yeah, i know.

her: and then after that you stop eating for like six--

me: --days.

her: --months.

me: oh. 

her: yeah, pretty much.

just for the record, i don't think she meant she actually stops eating for six months straight, i think that's just the amount of time until she had one of her mega-binges again. she told me, with a knowing expression on her face, that it was more common than i thought. i looked at her, thinking, you have no idea. moving along, though, she told me i can come over whenever i want, which is great. i feel like i can talk to her. but not too much. just for my own sake. although, she probably wouldn't care, really. 

and then we went looking for sneakers (for me) online. i wear sneakers until they're barely pieces of cloth covering my feet. come to think of it, i shouldn't have shown her that site. but she probably won't buy anything. ( i hope.) putting the whole "i have an eating disorder" thing aside, something really good i found out about her was that she likes nico. i freaking love nico. (velvet underground was my soundtrack for quite some time.)

i wouldn't say i'm glad she had an eating disorder, because that's all sorts of levels of fucked up that i'm just not ready to go to. but i suppose in a way, i am glad, because now i have someone to talk to. about literally anything.

....except sticks, who by a random twist of fate is her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend.

but who wants to talk about love anyway?

honestly.

6 comments:

Bones said...

I'm glad you found someone. xx

Run said...

In a way you are glad that someone you know has one because you know they'll at least attempt to understand/know what it feels like.

I'm glad you have someone to talk to though. Talking about things can stop a person going mad. :P xx

Depressed Skinny Mess. said...

It's good to find someone to confide in and talk to about things, because she wont judge :) And she'll understand you xx

becca; said...

i'm glad you found someone like that! it's always nice to have someone you can talk to who wont judge. hope you're ok, xo.

❤ ♥ Sam [Misha] Lupin ❥ ❣ said...

there you are!
ahaha. you sound so social. i feel so unsocialised when i'm reading your blog, despite me coming from Dubai. :)
JUNKIES. ROAST. SCOOBY SNACK.
i don't know anyone personally with an eating problem. however, i have had very few suspicions. just nobody personally. i think i'm the only one in my school that has noticeably dropped a fucking tonne of weight.
gah. love sucks.
-Sam Lupin

Christina said...

I have a friend who used to have an eating disorder. It's nice talking to her sometimes. I haven't told her about my own issues but I feel as if she knows.

xx

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