tell me it's not the same.

yesterday started off great. i woke up, had some peaches (baby food style) for breakfast and got to school just in time for my second class. then right before my third class, my friend wanted some food (she's giving up smoking for lent) and i took her down the street from our college. so we got food. i ordered fries and she got like, chicken and rice with something. we got back to school, sat down and started eating.

so i'm sitting there, nibbling at the fries and wondering how much i'm going to eat. ideally, it would be like, nothing. but it was too late for that. so we're chatting and eating and then she reaches over and takes one french fry.

just one.

but for some reason, that really pissed me off. i mean, you have food in front of you that i can't eat. just because i've got something you can eat doesn't mean you have to. and she didn't even ask. so i got angry. this probably sounds really irrational, but i really hate when people do stuff like that. my mom and i actually got into a huge fight when i first became vegan because she would eat my veggie burgers and i was like, i can't eat the stuff you eat, can't you just leave my food alone? (i ended up winning that battle but at this point, it doesn't matter either way.) that wasn't even the issue yesterday. i just didn't want her touching my food.

oh, and she triple dipped in my ketchup. so it was on.

i picked up the ketchup and i squeezed it on her food. and she was like, "what the fuck? are you serious? did you really just do that?" and i said "yeah, i did. so what?" and then she made this whole comparison where her taking a fry was like a slap on the wrist but me putting ketchup on her food is like a punch in the face. well, funny thing about that is, to me, me putting ketchup on her food was like a slap on the wrist, but her stealing a fry was like a punch in the face. (i ended up throwing it out.) she wouldn't shut up about it after. i asked her why she couldn't just scrape the ketchup off. she said if she wanted ketchup on her rice, she would have put it there, but she didn't. i felt like, if i wanted to share my fries with her, i would have offered. i don't know. it just pissed me off. but i got over it. after i threw the fries out.

i was a little happy because in my head, i had a great excuse for not eating anything else. but on the other hand, it really irritated me. you know, since i paid money for it and all. i know it probably sounds kind of silly, but it wasn't. at least, not to me, yesterday.

i don't know. anyway, i'm hungry right now. so i'm going to take a fifteen minute nap. and when i wake up, i'm going to drink some water.

because food causes more problems than it's worth.



baby food, anyone?

yesterday was awesome.

yesterday, banana and i  were hanging out, playing our guitars and stuff. then we went to a supermarket. she wanted to buy some fruits. (i know, right?) anyway, i was telling her about how much i enjoy baby food now. it's good stuff. so while she was off getting fruits and whatnot, i was in the baby food aisle. note: strawberry banana-- best flavor. so i ate a banana, an apple and sucked on a few lollipops yesterday. it was awesome.

i drank about eighty percent of a bottle of coconut rum on my birthday. and then i went to school the next day. it was pretty fun. i came home, a little buzzed (my tolerance level is insane.) only to discover that my sister moved back in with me and my mom. i've never seen her weigh more than ninety five pounds. it's totally motivating. the only downside is that she's a total bitch and really controlling. but she's family, so i accept it.

i don't have much time right now since i'm totally late for class, but i'm probably going to spend my free time blog reading later. 

okay, i'd better go before my sister finds out what time i'm supposed to leave..



mission accomplished.

who went to the store and bought laxatives today?

that's right.

i feel like i owe you all an explanation. you know how when you're kinda.... jealous of someone, everything about them is instantly a negative? EVEN IF IT'S SOMETHING YOU HAVE IN COMMON WITH THEM? yeah. that's how it is.

hey, i'm not proud of it. but if it makes me feel better, i'll insult everything about her. and also if it makes me feel better, i'll totally flirt with her boyfriend. and guess what? he'll flirt with me, because i make him happier than she does. and because as my best friend, he's obligated to not make it awkward, ever. no matter what i say. if they last until may, i'll be surprised and disgusted. as well as unhappy.






yawning? me? no way.

naturally, i'm awake even though i meant to go to bed earlier. (not really, i could care less.)

who's got a day off? this girl. right here.

i think i'm addicted to baby food (especially gerber) because it tastes amazing and it's insanely portable. and shit, it's the cutest thing ever. all i need now are some mini spoons. and broccoli. i mean, green beans, peas, carrots-- yeah, thanks guys. i get it already. how about some broccoli? right? where is that located in the baby food aisle? well, i have no idea.

speaking of aisles, i haven't bought laxatives in forever. (i see the connection there. do you?) those little bastards are addictive. gotta get some.


well, not the most awkward, but definitely high on the scale.

i was in a friend's car, telling her about how gorgeous my best friend is. so of course, i have to show her pictures using the highly convenient kindle fire located in my bag. so i go to web, naturally. (DAMN YOU, AMAZON.) and of course, the last website i was on opens up. not like, a blank tab kind of thing. but like, a NOTALLOWEDTOEAT.TUMBLR.COM kind of thing. the funny thing is that it was a littttle hard to cover up. luckily, the sun was in front of us, so i'm going to hope she didn't see it. but if she happened to, what i did next is probably going to make her wonder how crazy i am.

i recovered quickly and did the whole facebook thing for her. i told her about my friend and how awesome we are together and how his girlfriend sucks because she's a fake ballerina and she neglects him and just like this sentence, it went on a little too long. at which point my friend said, "she's not that pretty." and not even in that i'm-trying-to-make-you-feel-better kind of way. she honestly meant it. so then i said something along the lines of...


i saw a bit of fear in her eyes when i was finished.

anywho. now i'm on some sort of insane quest to become way cooler than my best friend's girlfriend even though i'd never break them up. i'm a softie. so sue me.

on the bright side, my body temperature is like, crazy these days. as in low. not too low, but just low enough. (what does that even mean?!) i like it, though. when i go outside, i don't need a coat. because for me, it's body temperature. outside. it's cold, but it's warm.

jinkies. i just yawned. you know what that means.

i should be asleep in about two more hours.

actually, i might try to go to bed right now. i wanna exercise tomorrow. i miss it so much.



button smashing.


...like a five year old with a bad temper.

before i continue, school is awesome and everything but seriously. come on, i need a break. i amuse myself by drawing all over my notebook in class. i'm not even sure how i manage to take notes. (i'm lying, i'm an amazing note-taker.) and since i have monday off, i was like, wow, deserter. someone needs to update her blog. who has two thumbs and no free time? this girl.

okay. now for the rest of the button smashing.


had to be done.

so, my birthday and my best friend's birthday are one after the other. so we decided to make it one birthday. because how awesome is having two straight days as your birthday? in theory, it would probably suck for whoever had to give birth for two days in a row, and i'm not entirely sure anyone could survive that, but still. it's gonna be legendary. (yeah, i'm in love with how i met your mother. almost up to the third season. yay.) we're not actually doing anything, and something will probably go horribly wrong, as life tends to do, but it's the thought that counts.

gawd. there's this really cool new transfer student. AND I WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT HER LAST MONTH WHEN I FIRST MET HER. she's so skinny. i just wish she'd stop talking about food so much. because i want to hang out with her, but i don't want to eat with her. it's one thing to eat by yourself and think you're pathetic. it's another thing to eat with a skinny person who eats more than you. (terribly heart-wrenching.) someone asked her a question once like, "what size are you? because you're the first girl here who's skinnier than me." and i thought to myself, DON'T ASK PEOPLE THAT. i don't know. whatever, she didn't mind. hopefully. she's so cool. she asked me once what kind of animal she would be, so i said a bird (obviously) but she didn't like that. so i said a butterfly (again, obviously), but she wasn't cool with that either. so i said a spider, but that didn't work. maybe she's more of a chipmunk. i dunno.


sorry about that. oh man. my vocal teacher told me in no uncertain terms that i need to get some psych testing, because i'm freaking insane. okay, so he didn't say it like that but that's what he meant. i think he said something more like, "do you have ADHD or something? because it's either that or you're horribly immature." to be honest, i have been a little high energy lately, but i can't control these things, you know? he said maybe if i was on medication, i'd be a bit more tolerable. not like that, but you know. that's what he meant.

my brain is pretty full right now. i hope i can get all of this out. remember that really cool girl i told you about who's a drummer and she's skinny and she's really cool and she gives me hugs and stuff? she's so awesome. my eyes were all sparkly and BGHEKDFMKL i'm totally making her a scarf for her birthday. she said i looked nice on valentine's day. once again.



gotta love her. but she's like smoke. so elusive. you only see her when she wants to be seen. but whatever. i looked nice on valentine's day. compliments from some people mean more than from others. at least that's how it is for me.

the bad news is, i'm nowhere near eighty five pounds. (isn't it depressing how you can be so busy and still find time to eat? all that time wasted. i could have been updating here instead of eating.) the good news is, i've got a fridge full of baby food. have you TRIED baby food? it's amazing. it's packed full of vitamins and it's delicious. what's that? you want strawberries and a banana but you can't afford both? oh look! in the baby food aisle. strawberries and bananas. in a ninety calorie jar. and it's like, seventy five cents a meal. (RIGHT?!) who invented this? i think i'm in love.

yeah, so you get some weird looks when people see you eating baby food in school. but who cares? like i told my friends, applesauce in a baby food jar is still applesauce. geez. food is food is food is food.

i saw the meanest thing today. it was kind of depressing. so i was sitting in a music room and this skinny girl came in to take pictures of some stuff going on. and there were these little egg shakers, and she picked them up and started dancing along. and i was all like, haha, we're all having a great time. and there was this (forgive me).... not particularly skinny girl sitting by the door. and when the skinny girl was ready to leave, the... not particularly skinny girl reached up from her seat to take the shakers. and the skinny girl dropped them. on the floor. without even glancing. it was the worst thing i've seen all year. and then the other girl picked them up and smiled at me sadly and i was all like bdfjs;fa goddamn. it was so messed up. i dunno. maybe you just had to be there.


okay, i have to be up early tomorrow. (like that matters. what am i even saying? i have insomnia. i'm not going to bed for another two hours at least.) OH. banana. remember her? she made a copy of this paper from this book about like your birthday and zodiac stuff and whatnot. it was pretty wild. she's like, overly fascinated with the zodiac now. (obsessed is such a strong word, don't you think?) but it was pretty accurate. in a disturbing, freaky kind of way.

so yeah. apparently when you start actually doing homework and studying, you don't have time to do much else. i tried hanging out with a friend last night and i woke up late this morning. bad stuff. anyway, there you go.

this has been me lately. chewing gum. drinking water. eating candy. avoiding adult food and eating baby food. wondering how bad a professional would find me if i did get my mind tested. and somehow managing to make a fool out of myself without even trying.

i love my life. so much.

no sarcasm there. i really do. how many people have the ability to fuck up like i do? it's a rare skill.