here come the blues.

if i had to describe where i am in the year, i'd put it this way.

the period of time between april thirteenth and june fourth was akin to the top of a hill. my life (heavy and hard) is a boulder, and i suppose that makes me sisyphus. of course, just as i had started to foolishly believe that maybe, just maybe, this time i would make it to the top of the hill, that boulder just started to roll back down.

and here we are, with me sitting atop this boulder, head in my hands, sighing deeply. deplorable wretch that i am.

perhaps the only person in the world whose low opinion of me rivals my own low opinion of myself is my egg donor. lately, it seems that with everything going on in my life, her opinion of me gets worse and worse. the worse it gets, the more verbally and emotionally abusive she becomes. and the more that happens, the more i hate myself.

someone said you've made it through every bad day you've ever had-- 100% success rate!

nick drake knows though. it's not so simple as that.

here comes the long, lonely...

here come the blues.

honestly.