discrete, not discreet.

been away for a while, and i'm sorry. it's hard finding free time. luckily, today, i woke up about early with nothing to do. which equals free time in my book.

i've been hanging out (so to speak) with my new supervisor. she works at a museum where outpatients and a few inpatients make art. beautiful, beautiful art. they're so much fun to talk to. it makes me bored with so-called real people. sanity aside, it's so much more comfortable talking to most of the people i've met there. my sister found it amusing that they all thought i was a patient or outpatient upon first meeting me. maybe it is amusing. probably not. i told her, "i think i've found somewhere i belong." meaning as a therapist. she said, "i figured you'd say that. i always knew you belonged somewhere like that." meaning in a psychiatric hospital.

ha, ha.

i started reading a beautiful mind by sylvia nasar. it's a biography about john nash. it's a lovely book so far. it reminded me of how much i love reading a good book. springtime, as a child, meant allergies for me. red eyes, runny nose, etc. allergies meant i couldn't play outside. obviously. so i stayed indoors, with books as company. i can't say this often enough. there's nothing  that compares to a good book. people are tiresome after a while. especially the friends i seem to end up with. it seems like people want friends they can be around all day, every day. i know waterbear and i were kind of like that for a while, but that was during the preliminary stages of our friendship. (and even we spent time apart.) we're content with occasional conversations now. you don't need to spend every waking second with someone to be good friends with them. and you probably shouldn't. i know i can't.

anyway, i don't know if i can do this regularly. i don't know if i can spend time with people the way i've been spending time with people. i've missed my room. when i woke up this morning and i took the time to breathe and listen, drink tea, read a little, look out the window, reflect... these things are priceless. socializing is overrated. it's always like this, though. the more time i spend with people, the more i enjoy solitude. the more time in solitude, the more i consider socialization. (key word: consider.) if there is a balance, i haven't found it.

at any rate, i've decided to take a much needed break from people. (after tomorrow night, when i play pinball with an old friend. she's wonderful, but that'll be the last straw.) somehow, i've been doing most of  my homework and passing my tests. some girl had the nerve to be angry with me because i didn't study for a test and  passed. i already knew basic biology. so sue me. i'll probably have caught up with myself completely by the beginning of may. i can always tell when it's time to put some distance between myself and other people. and you know what i think?

it's about time.



Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ│͍͢⃝Ṣαᵯ ȽuРіῄ│❀✿ ⱴ⁄ said...

there's that thing i learned. you don't have to spend time with anyone really. you can live by yourself a great deal of time, and it doesn't have to get lonely like most people think it is. it's comforting to be alone so much of the time. just with you. yesssssss.
that lady -.- what can we do
you haven't changed a bit. which is what i like. (:
also, i do not like biographies. i don't know why. more of a fiction person i suppose x

-Sam Lupin

Bella said...

Oh hey there stranger. Life gets in the way sometimes, s'all good :-)

"the more time i spend with people, the more i enjoy solitude. the more time in solitude, the more i consider socialization"
This. I dunno if it's possible for anyone to have a balance that'll keep them satisfied 100% of the time. It's sounds so simple in theory, to balance solitude and socialization - socialize when you want to, isolate when you want to. Oh, if only it were that easy.
Breaks from people in general can be good. I'm a huge fan of isolation, in case you hadn't noticed. I too *consider* socialization more the longer I've been in solitude, but at the same time, the longer I'm isolated the less I *want* to socialize. I know that humans are supposed to be sociable creatures and aren't designed to be isolated and all that, but I'm quite content in my solitude.

Take care lovely, and enjoy your people-break! <3 xxxx

Rowan said...

It's good to read a post from you. I think I have a similar struggle with finding the proper balance between solitude and social interaction. It is easier to be alone, I know. And even when I know I would be better off for some human interaction, I find myself holing up in my room with a book and some coffee.

I am glad you seem to see a future for yourself as a therapist. As I'm finding, it's good to have fantasies and aspirations. They make the struggle seem less meaningless and endless.

I wish you all the best,


Ashley Nichole said...

I think you're right, it's fun to hang out with people, but sometimes we need alone time to reflect and think.

Good luck with everything.

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