10.08.2011

talk about unproductive.

well.

i'm glad that's over with.

that whole 'cycle of depression' was starting to get to me. i guess i just needed to get away from it all. whatever that means. you already know what happens when you binge for days in a row, you can imagine how disgusted i was with myself when i stepped on the scale. but i'll be alright. for now, anyway. for me to say i did nothing but binge this week would be beyond inaccurate. i have been practicing the guitar so much. i think my fingers are dead. but that's okay. because i can play garota de ipanema now, which is like, one of the classiest songs ever.

i pretty much spent this week fiddling with the emotions of one of my classmates. it wasn't until he invited me to get drinks that i realized i should probably stop. but now i'm completely sure he likes me and i can easily avoid him whenever i have to. (he's not a bad guy, i'm just shallow.) plus i think i ate so much that i completely dispelled all of my mother's suspicions. so there's a positive to everything. this week wasn't a total loss.

you know what cheered me up?

it was the most beautiful thing i ever saw in my life.

the 'skank'. (apparently it's some sort of dance. people don't do it in public very often. for good reason.)

but it was beautiful. my friend did it. i'm laughing so hard while i'm typing this, it's really quite sad. but i am in love with this dance. if more people danced like that, i'd never be sad again in my life. (there are tears of joy falling down my face. you have no idea.)

anyway, next week. i have to demolish the numbers on the scale one by one until i'm back to where i started. and next friday, i have to visit my only fan. maybe play a song for him. probably manhattan. (think ella fitzgerald.) since i don't have many fans, i have to hold on to the ones-- i mean, one-- i do have. and i have to finish reading some books. and make up some homework. a lot of homework, actually. and practice some songs. and catch up on blogs. and....there's a lot on this list, apparently.

damn.

what have i been doing all week?

good thing i have monday off.

honestly.

3 comments:

jackie said...

i'm glad you're so positive. send me a little of that?

Sam Lupin said...

yes! binges never just happen in one setting. they happen throughout a series of days. fuck that. i had like that day where i ate so that my scale would move so i'd break my plateau then half a day. and apparently, i havent' eaten since. fucking fuck. it's like been 26 hours...yes. 26. almost 27. :) i feel sick. i feel really, really sick. kind of nausea that isn't hunger related by emotional related. <3 i hope you feel better. i hope we all feel better.

i'm happy there are tears of joy then! you're beautiful when you cry happiness. <3 everyone is. happiness is something that paints some sort of angelic glow to people's faces! <3
i know what you mean about 'what was i doing all week?'
guilty of that thought process!

<3 <3 <3 missed you loads, darling!

-Sam Lupin

Depressed Skinny Mess. said...

Glad your feeling a bit more positive :) Those numbers will fall soon. Good luck dear xx

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