"you look hot in that."

have you ever guzzled two liters of water and then gotten on a scale? bad idea. it screws with your head. OBVIOUSLY. common sense would tell me not to get on a scale after drinking that much. but i seem to be lacking common sense.

damn you, thoreau, for making me far more impulsive than i usually am. (launch myself on every wave, eh? since i can't swim that was obviously terrible advice.)

after the scale incident (and after i got catch-22 in the mail, bones, which i ordered because i lost my copy), i asked my friend/classmate/neighbor if she wanted to walk down to the coffee shop. she agreed to. that's when i realized... i needed to get rid of all this extra water. (spoiler: i didn't, but read on.) so i put on a t-shirt, jeans and a heavy hoodie. in case you weren't aware, it's summer here, in the united states of america. and it's also hot as hell. and i went outside. you know, with the sun and the cloudless sky and all. i started sweating immediately. even before i left the front of my house. did i think, 'hey, maybe i should go back inside and take this damn thing off' ? no. i did not. and so we walked. she was wearing a sleeveless top and jeans and she was drenched in sweat in about ten minutes. so you can imagine how it was inside that hoodie. but could anyone tell? no, because it was THICKER THAN ROSIE O'DONNELL. we didn't even go to the coffee shop in the end. we went to the bank, to another store (where i picked up a job application) and then to her parents' house. where her brother was.

i think i'm losing my mind, because every time i hang out with one of my friends who has a brother my age, i find myself oddly drawn to them, attractive or not. i blame animal magnetism. and mania. since i was squinting-- i broke my glasses, in case you didn't know-- and was literally bathing in my own sweat, that wasn't a good time to even pretend to flirt with anyone. but did i?


i filled out the first two lines of that job application while making small talk with my friend's brother. and then he asked me if i realized that i was sweating through my jeans. before that, he gave me a tiny, awkward hug, in an attempt to be nice without getting any of my sweat on his body. yes, i did notice. right after that, i got lightheaded and almost fainted. then i started laughing at nothing in particular and talking to my good buddy peter, who is visible to no one but me. that's when they both told me to get the fuck in the bathroom, take my top off, and put on a clean short-sleeved shirt. good thing i did, because my t-shirt, under that obscene and unnecessary hoodie, was soaked. in sweat. it smelled SO BAD, i really can't even describe it. (decaying flesh comes very close.) i was about to cry in the bathroom of her parents' house, with her brother outside the door, because i really didn't want to take my hoodie off but i had to. despite the fact that i probably would have died (or at least ended up in the hospital), i really wanted to sweat. and sweat. and sweat. no matter how bad i smelled. but they insisted. and he picked up my filthy clothes (without being grossed out , amazingly) and put them in a plastic bag. nice kid. and then she tried to play matchmaker, by suggesting we hang out until he had to go back to college. (i'm assuming she was playing matchmaker, because why else would you suggest hanging out with someone who wears hoodies in almost ninety degree weather?)

he thought it was a good idea. (what?!) so she had us exchange numbers. (i repeat, what?!)

i don't even understand what happened today. it made as much sense as that movie, sucker punch. (spoiler: that movie makes no sense. in case my subtle hint wasn't enough.) between flirting with the manager of the place i got the job application from (which isn't surprising, since i've hit on several teachers at my school) and flirting with my friend's brother (which was suprising, ironically), i'm beginning to think that i am: a) not getting outside enough, and am becoming socially inept, or; b) spending too much time outdoors, when i should be inside, doing yoga with the windows shut, sweating until i lose weight. (bikram for cheap people.)

anywho, i'm going to apply for this job, since it's (not really, but kind of) walking distance from my house. and since i asked for an application. also, i'm going to hang out with my friend's brother, although i won't be flirting with him again, since his nickname for me is sweats. it's an improvement from that crazy girl with the glasses who plays guitar pretty well but is obviously a closet nerd trying to fit in with normal people, but still. ew. ew. ew. i'll probably hand in that application tomorrow, since i'm still a little lightheaded (which may be why this post is covered in parentheses). but right now, i'm going to shut the windows, turn the fan off, and do some intense yoga because, like i said, i'm obviously lacking common sense right now.



Rayya said...

l o l
you make me giggle so much.. haha :)
and yes theres a helluva lot of parentheses in this post.. you crazy person.. oh man was it your intention to sweat like that or was it unintentional and then you just thought you would roll with it?

i would have actually died if that happened to me but you handled it really well, you must be made of steel!

flirting with a teacher?? thats one i havent done before ;) sounds like fun though.. ;)

sweats... oh cringe.. but hey he dont seemed phased by it :)
maybe you are subconsciously horny thats why you are flirting with everyone? or maybe, you're just bored and flirting is something to do??

Bikram for cheap people.. LOVE IT. you made my day with that line.

hope youre ok.. please dont die of dehydration i will be very disappointed if you do..

much love! xx

Bones said...

Man, what a day. I guess things turned out all right, though. And I am glad you're reading Catch-22. I moved on from that to Cat's Cradle (Kurt Vonnegut), which is equally amazing.

I didn't notice the parentheses until you pointed them out, but you're right; they're everywhere. I will now listen to the Parenthetical Girls; you've inspired me.

In all seriousness, I do hope that you don't dehydrate. The sweating/lightheadedness is not healthy. Not that I should talk.

Stay well, xx

a friend of ana said...

haha silly girl!
i think there must be something in the air? i have been flirting with people all over the place... !
drink some water and take a nap :-) you deserve one!

Anonymous said...

Gah, have I told you I love you?
I think I do.
I love your words and your thoughts and the way you don't-quite-fit-in but that it makes you fit absolutely perfectly, in.
Your determination, despite the consequences. (Intense sweat, in this situation?)


jackie said...

you are a crazy girl, missy. I can't think of many people who would sweat that much on purpose. but hey, maybe it was good for your pores?

best of luck for the job

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