9.23.2011

just when i thought i had you all figured out.

you always think you know someone until they do or say something you don't see coming.

let's say you have choir, and the choir director is crotchety old woman (who really isn't that old). you have reason to believe she hates you. then suddenly she shocks you by smiling at you sincerely. was that not good enough as an example? let me try again.

let's say you make friends easily, but try to keep people at a reasonable distance. you're a bit cynical about your peers especially. you think they're mostly shallow individuals. then you have an off day. even waving to people is hard. you make cruelly sarcastic remarks under your breath whenever someone says something stupid in class. then the kids around you ask if anything's wrong and watch you protectively until class is over. when you try to slip out, one of them gives you a disturbingly comforting hug before letting you leave. is that too specific? damn. okay, i'll try again.

let's say you have a friend who always appeared to be a really innocent person. they always give you expert moral advice and seem to have themselves pretty figured out. then you decide to play the tell me something i don't know game, and you find out that person is secretly an alcoholic. they love being drunk. still not good enough? you guys are never satisfied.

well, i give up.

the fast went well... until i binged on vegetables again. bit depressing, but not half as depressing as yesterday was. my mood went south in about thirty minutes and stayed there for most of the day. apparently people notice things like when you shift to depressed from something that could only be described as manic. so much for pretending to be normal. and i swear, if sunflower seed boy asks me if i'm bipolar again, he's going to suffer.

i'm going to keep at this until it works. fasting, i mean.

while i'm at it, i'm going to try not being sarcastic when people annoy me. instead, i'll just keep it on the inside.

wish me luck. i'm going to need it.

honestly.

2 comments:

Bella said...

I know what you mean! I believe, though, the first one explained it the best. or the last. The middle one made no sense to me. Haha :)

Well, think about it like this: at least oyu binged on vegetables, which is high in eveyrhing good, and mostly low in calories. Some are even negative calories. It's so much better than binging on empty calories and fat-filled stuff. That what I did yesteday :/

Good luck girl! You're going to be just fine, I'm sure :)
Stay strong!

jackie said...

people are surprising. but remember moments don't change who they are as a whole. or least, that's how i see it.

good luck with the fasting, and i hope your mood swings come back under control.

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