piano magic.

i'm so obsessed with this band's lyrics. i feel like almost anything major i deal with, i could find in one of their songs. so i'm going to try something, here. bear with me, this is a little tricky. i'm going to write my journal entry here using only their lyrics. you know, as much as i can. (it's not like they're writing my biography.) why? i don't know, i guess because i have insomnia and i've nothing better to do at the moment.

(in regard to the best friend of mine with the unworthy girlfriend.)
i feel too much inside. i cannot shake it off. unfortunately i have fallen, don't know what to do. i try to trace my steps back. i try to play the playback. but when i see your face, i cannot breathe. and i can't figure out this heart machinery. sometimes it stops for days and really worries me. and i can't form the words and often i can't speak. i knew that you were taken; a book i should not read. but the sun danced in your shadow like the mocking of a bird. and i was dragged down to your depth. and i clung to every word. well, you never asked me, so i never said. oh, there's much i can offer you if you'd open your eyes. i loved you in minutes, like people love Lucy. and i'm too tiny for a heart this big. the sadness in my eyes. the burden drags me down. i breathe a canvas on the window to write your name on the landscape. i miss you bad. and if i never see you again, well, i was the one who loved you the most. it may be worn out and wasted. it may be selectively blind. but this heart, it is proud to have loved you. this heart is not cold to the touch. this heart never ran from your kindness. this heart never asked you for much.

i'm a terrier, a black sheep, half-relation. he's french, a hack, white, caucasian. he types, i read and we clash on the keys. but he's silent, too ill, too fragile, too still and i'm violent and rash. (slow down for the crash.)

(in regard to myself.)
i live in the past and it's too strong. and the present is imperfect. and the future, well, it's conditional. and the past's a foreign land that i'm trying to understand.

it's just out of reach. can't think of nothing else. though i stare into the mirror, it does not tell me how i look. so i'm shaving in the darkness and i'm turning in my sleep. kick out this notion that anything goes. you've got the wheel but you're losing control. caution is thrown to the wind and it does not blow back. she said, "it's okay- you'll feel better every day and all memory of this will fade away." liar. she weaved her spell on me and i fell hopelessly. she shall not miss me and i care not 'cos she's doing me in and she's wearing me thin. i cannot break her spell. our violence is closer to art.

i tried to get on but you nagged in my ear. the mirror needn't bother. i bear its weight at all times. it shames the storm outside. god knows i've tried and tried. my dreams are tortured silhouettes. what does not destroy me can only make me stronger. and i'll be stronger when i'm stronger.

cheers! that worked out pretty well, actually. i found everything i was going to say. more or less. if you can understand it, more power to you! and if you can't, well, i'm sorry then.

i might have to try this again sometime.


it was kinda fun. in a time consuming way. maybe you should try it? i don't know. i'm off to bed.

my fast begins today. and i have to get sleep because i actually have real things to do today. i have a freakin' to-do list. (what the hell, spontaneity? how could you let this happen?)

i'll make up for it by being twice as impulsive when i'm in school on monday.



Anonymous said...

That was a neat post. It's good to give yourself little creative assignments like that, I believe.

By the way, I just noticed your sidebar. You are a Jeff Buckley fan? I am too. Lovelovelove some Mojo pin. Have you read A Pure Drop? It's a great biography on him.

Christina said...

That was very cool. I love it when you find a song that exactly explains how you feel. When it happens to me that song gets stuck on repeat on my ipod.

Good luck with your fast!


jackie said...

haha you are so cute. good luck with the to-do list and the double spontaneity.

ascendancy. said...

Beautiful post lady. Love it.


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