8.10.2011

feed me a stray cat.

that's like, one of my favorite parts of american psycho. the movie with christian bale. if you haven't seen it, you should. the first ten minutes alone are worth watching if you don't have much time. maybe it's a bit early to be watching movies about psychotic serial killers. but with eye candy like this, how can i resist?

anyway, yesterday was interesting. after i posted about all that indecision, i rolled around on my bed for a few minutes, trying to think of something else. i picked up identical by ellen hopkins and tried reading that. but i got up to a binge scene and put it away. then i tried self-questioning. why do i want food? am i really hungry? is it worth it? that didn't help much either. in about thirty minutes, i could taste all these different foods on my tongue. i think the first one was plantain chips. greatest snack of all time. then it went to pasta, and so on. i curled up under my blanket and took a nap.

then i woke up and i was all smiles because i didn't eat. not too long after, my mom came home and i went downstairs to open the door for her. ended up in the kitchen. sniffed a cookie.

no, that's not a euphemism for taking drugs.

i seriously sniffed a fucking cookie.


i feel like such a weirdo. i sniffed it, and then i threw it out and read a book. watched some of my favorite old cartoons. johnny bravo, cow and chicken, powerpuff girls. got seriously hungry halfway through. drank some water with lemon in it, boiled some water, brushed my teeth a lot, played with my puppy a bit. went to sleep.

and now i'm awake! yay for day two! hopefully i can stay strong today too. i got a little dizzy yesterday. and my neck started to ache a little. but i'm alright now.

my mother's home today but i doubt she'll notice if i'm not eating. i'm going out anyway, so she won't know if i ate or not.

i'm not going to give up. it's only the second day. i don't care if i have to walk around until night falls. if i can get past six p.m., i should be fine. i don't eat after six. i hope i don't have any more food tasting hallucinations. that might be worse than cookie sniffing.

honestly.

4 comments:

Christina said...

American Psycho is an amazing movie, I love it.

Haha, don't worry! I sniff food too. Whenever I want to eat I'll go and smell some food to help it pass. Normally I go straight to the Nutella jar, it smells sooo good.

Hope your fast continues to go well,
xx

a friend of ana said...

yeah i sniff food too. usually i can just put it back down or give it to my dog... you are doing amazingly on your fast! such determination!
<3

Bonjour Bones ! said...

Your control was amazing. Good luck to you on Day Three (and all the days after). (:

crashxDburn said...

I've never seen that movie but now I'm considering it. I've also never read that book, but I've heard of it, and I LOVE Ellen Hopkins as a writer, so I'm going to have to read it sometime. I'll put it on my list (yes, I'm such a nerd that I have a list). I hate it when I start thinking about food so much that I can taste it. That's like the worst. :/ Oh, and the sniffing the cookie thing is not weird at all. The other day when I brought brussels sprouts and onions sauteed in butter into my room to throw it away (cuz I didn't want my dad to know I'm not eating - and he WOULD notice) I totally stood there and sniffed it for like a minute before I threw it in the trash. Um... how about... your favorite cartoons are some of my favorites too? I miss those shows! Holy shit I really miss the old cartoon network. It fucking sucks now so I don't even bother checking it anymore. Congrats on getting to day two. I hope it goes well for you. My neck hurts sometimes too while I fast. Stay strong girlie!

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