8.05.2011

identity.

what gives a person their identity? i wish i could answer that. i don't think i really know my identity. i have a name, a face, a crowd of people i can be grouped with, but who am i really?

apparently, identity is the collective aspect of the set of characteristics by which a thing is recognizable or known.

i know there are a few things about myself others can see. a short, curly haired girl. a teenager, definitely around sixteen to eighteen. brown eyes, dark brown hair. slightly large glasses. people who have known me for a while know more detailed things, things you wouldn't just pick up from a glance. like the way my voice changes depending on who i'm talking to. the way i eat my food a bit slower than normal people. the way i draw on the edges of my notebook instead of listening in class but somehow remember the lesson. the way i can go from deliriously happy to a depressed introvert in a manner of seconds. but then, there are some things that only i know. the way i'd rather sit alone and read a book than talk to my mother. the way i check the scale every hour if i can. the way i stare at other girls enviously if they are skinnier than me. the way i lay awake all night and wonder how much weight i can lose and how long it would take. the way i can pretend to be happy if it keeps people from asking me questions.

the way my memory replays at the worst times and makes me hate myself.

the way i'm depressed and try not to cut myself anymore.

the way i have an imaginary friend who should've left many years ago. his name is peter. he's my personal advisor and best friend.

the way i'm bipolar and yet people believe it's normal.

mainly, the way i'm so completely and utterly fucked up. things i think about people while i say something else to be polite. habits i've formed. habits i should've formed and rejected.

people recognize me as someone. something. but do i even recognize myself anymore? i don't know.

anyway, my name is missinsanity.

which either means i'm missin' sanity, or that i'm miss insanity. either way, it's the same.

you'll find out soon enough.

honestly.

2 comments:

crashxDburn said...

A new blogger! :) Thank you for following me. I am now following you back. I look forward to keeping up with you.

jackie said...

i feel like i know you so well. like we breathe the same air.
sorry to talk about myself, i should be talking about you.
you write beautifully. and i can really hear your voice. anyway. (belated) welcome to the blogosphere

jax

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