so sore.

i started exercising harder, because i'm not happy about these legs of mine. they disgust me. completely. you don't even know. i wore shorts last week because, dammit, it was hot outside. and then there were these flash storms, but those aren't important. these three girls- who, to be fair, were fairly skinnier than me- looked at me and said something amongst themselves. i slipped my headphones off and said, "what?" in that way that means "if you just said something bad about me, i'm going to kick all of your asses." i had a guitar on my back, i felt tough. but they actually turned away from me completely to continue their conversation. i think that hurt a lot more than if they had said something to me. fucking legs. i'm not a goddamn balloon animal, this isn't right.


yesterday, between cleaning and not cleaning, i exercised. i did yoga and jumping jacks and more yoga and more jumping jacks and crazy stretches until i was sweating. closed the windows too. "in this heat?!" is what my mother said when she got home and saw me looking disgruntled. and then i woke up this morning and did yoga and more jumping jacks. then i walked for about forty minutes.  i'm about due for my second set of exercises for the day, but my muscles are sore. i was joking with my best friend about it and she asked me if it felt good.

what kind of question is that...

still. in a weird, sadomasochistic way, i think it does feel good. so yes, although i might end up crippled at this rate, i'm going to exercise more. with the windows closed. i've been shedding pounds like my cat sheds hair- and yet i'm not seeing any changes. which annoys me to no end. i can assure you that i'll be complaining about my muscles tomorrow too.

funny story. i didn't have to eat at the day camp/babysitting place today. i used the best excuse of all. "it's that time of the month...and i'm having cramps. horrible, appetite destroying cramps." everyone fell for it. cheers for being female. but i should've saved it for the water fast. there was no point in it anyway, because i made some slightly tasteless, ninety seven percent liquid soup with tiny pieces of vegan wanna-be meatstuff in it. so i ate today.

christina, you can totally do it if you want. it wasn't my idea, so i don't mind, really. also, luckily for me, my mom only cares about me if it could affect her in some way. like explaining things to people. or maybe paying for a funeral? just kidding. parents are so pushy. i'm looking forward to hearing more from you too!

and crashxDburn, the saddest thought in the world is that anyone has a family as dysfunctional as mine. i can definitely carry food to my room and toss it. but eating at home is only half the problem. family friends... those people are nuts. maybe if i carry something around with me like i'm planning to eat? we'll see.

water fast in two days. huzzah! (yes, i did just say that.)

i don't have to worry about hunger. i think i can live off of jeff buckley for two weeks. and other music, naturally.

but anyway, off i go to pound myself into shape. not like i have to go anywhere for the rest of the day. and nothing's more important than exercise.



a friend of ana said...

i don't think it is sadomchistic or whatever.... it's us feeling like we will be skinnier soon :-)

crashxDburn said...

It's good that your muscles are sore, because that means what you're doing is working, but you should consider giving them a day of rest when they feel like that. They need time to heal so you won't pull a muscle. TRUST ME - been there, done that, it is absolutely NO fun. Plus, if you pull a muscle, then you won't be able to exercise until it heals. Sooo... consider taking a day's break whenever your muscles get sore and ache-y like that. Congrats on the weight loss! ^^ Oh, and it's awesome that my friendlies are getting friendly. haha I feel like we're sort of forming a little circle/group on here.

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